Vestpod - Emilie Bellet, Women and Money

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“Your Divorce is About You, Not Your Ex”, with Tosh Brittan

Vestpod

Join us as we explore the emotional journey of divorce with Tosh Brittan, a divorce empowerment coach and counsellor with over 17 years of experience. Discover how to prioritise your well-being amidst challenging relationships, overcome emotional hurdles, and find support in navigating the complexities of divorce and family conflicts.

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tosh’s background

In 2012, Tosh Brittan and her ex-husband decided to get a divorce, both hailing from families with divorced parents. Recalling the moment, Tosh vividly remembers sitting with two attorneys in their kitchen, discussing legal proceedings, feeling a heavy weight in her stomach at the prospect of conflict. Reflecting on this later during a walk, she questioned if she wanted to endure the fear and uncertainty throughout the divorce process.

Determined to navigate it differently, she committed herself to a path of kindness. Every action thought, and word she evaluated against her values and conscience, trying to be true to herself and maintain decency. She initiated a conversation with her soon-to-be ex-husband, expressing her desire to handle the divorce amicably, prioritising their children's well-being.

Although their marriage had its share of issues, she found empowerment in the possibility of a peaceful separation for the sake of their family. Financial struggles ensued, leading them to rent out their family home due to an unmanageable mortgage. Facing difficulty paying the rent, Tosh turned to writing as an outlet, starting the Divorced Goddess blog to share her thoughts and experiences, driven by a lack of resources addressing such matters.

finding meaning

Trusting that if even one person reading her blog feels a connection, realising they're not alone in their thoughts, then this blog has served its purpose. It's been incredibly empowering for Tosh Brittan to share her experiences and insights, embracing surrender instead of trying to control everything. She's learned the importance of trusting in something bigger than herself.

Acknowledging the loneliness often felt by women navigating divorce, Tosh believes in the power of community and support. While she'll discuss professional assistance later, she compares the initial stages of divorce to falling down a rabbit hole, where everything feels uncertain and overwhelming. Social media has provided a platform for sharing experiences, though Tosh is cautious about its potential to exacerbate feelings of shame and failure.

Encouraging self-trust and empowerment, Tosh emphasises the importance of saying yes to yourself, even in the face of fear. She stresses the significance of listening to your instincts, recognising that advice is often influenced by personal experiences.

Reflecting on societal shifts regarding marriage and relationships, Tosh acknowledges the evolving landscape and the necessity of embracing change. While uncertainty may be daunting, she believes in the potential for growth and transformation in every situation.

reasons for divorce

Tosh thinks many couples hit a milestone around their fifties. Their kids might have grown up a bit, things might be more manageable, and suddenly, they find more free time on their hands.

For women especially, there's more opening up in the workplace, fewer stay-at-home mums, and more opportunities. And it's easy for couples to get stuck in that routine until something shakes it up—a big elephant in the room being an affair. Tosh really recommends having conversations if you're unhappy, maybe seeking counselling, therapy, or support. With all the tough stuff happening globally, it's putting extra pressure on people. Social media's in the mix, too, It's not all bad, but it does add to the strain.

Tosh feels our society is quick to toss things aside instead of doing the work and having those tough talks. She says counselling could be a game-changer if you genuinely love someone and want to stay.

honest discussions

if you're having trouble talking about things with your partner, Tosh suggests keeping it simple. Many couples reach a point where they struggle to communicate, fearing they won't be heard. Tosh emphasizes the power of words, even suggesting sending an email if that's easier.

Tosh also advises on being intentional. Get clear on what you want to talk about and express your feelings without blaming your partner. Instead, focus on yourself and what you need. For example, if you need more help with childcare or support for starting a new business, ask for it directly.

It's important to involve your partner in the conversation and listen to their perspective too. Even partners appreciate being asked for help. If face-to-face conversations feel too emotional, using email can help remove some of the tension.

financial repercussions

Tosh touches on the financial side of divorce, particularly how women often end up at a disadvantage. For many women, especially those who have been primarily responsible for childcare or haven't been involved in managing finances, there can be a lack of confidence in financial matters.

Tosh encourages women to start learning about finances, whether through books, blogs, or seeking help from friends who are knowledgeable. It's about empowering yourself and making proactive decisions rather than reactive ones driven by fear or uncertainty.

Ultimately, Tosh believes that change is possible. With access to information and support, women can take steps to improve their financial situation and make informed choices about their future.

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Resources

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