📺 Chatting about budgets and bills is hardly romantic. However, did you know that money worries are one of the top reasons why married couples split?

While there's no doubt managing money together can be tricky, following these tips could ease your money conversations and ensure that you’re both happy with how your financial lives are built together.

1/ Discuss Your Money Management Styles

• When it comes to money management, couples often argue due to differing styles. Some people tend to save while others like to spend.

• You may prefer to follow a strict budget while your partner opts for a more flexible approach. It's important to understand and respect each other's financial mindset and find a common ground that works for both of you.

• This can involve creating a budget together or using a money management app for tracking and planning where you spend and allocate your household money.

2/ SEE YOURSELF AS A TEAM

• Instead of viewing yourselves as individuals with separate financial goals, can you see yourselves as a team with a shared financial vision? The first step in discussing money matters with your partner is to establish this shared vision.

• You can do this by looking at the projects and goals you both want to achieve, both individually and together, and finding common ground.

• For instance, you may want to save together for a down payment on a house or to take a round-the-world trip. At the same time, you may want to start your own business and your partner invest in a course to upskill themselves.

• Make sure you write these goals down and add how much money will be required for these.

3/ KEEP YOUR INDEPENDENCE

• While it's important for couples to share financial responsibilities and work together towards their financial goals, maintaining separate accounts can also have its benefits.

• Having individual accounts allows each of you to maintain a sense of financial independence and autonomy. It can also provide a sense of security in case of emergencies or unexpected expenses.

• Additionally, separate accounts can help avoid short term conflicts over spending habits or financial decisions and help you keep some level of independence, don’t only rely on the other.

• Ultimately, it's up to you to decide whether to maintain separate accounts or combine your finances, but finding a balance between the two can lead to a healthy financial relationship.

4/ Address Unequal Incomes

• It is not uncommon for couples to have unequal incomes. However, this can create tension in the relationship if one person feels like they are contributing more or less than the other. It is essential to discuss how you will handle these income differences and how you can work together to achieve your shared goals.

• This may mean splitting expenses based on a percentage of each other's income or finding other ways to balance out the financial contributions.

5/ Decide who is responsible for what

• To avoid conflicts and misunderstandings, try to assign financial responsibilities in your relationship. This means deciding who will be responsible for paying bills, managing investments, and making financial decisions. 

• You should however both be aware and know what is happening at every level of your household finances. You could then divide financial responsibilities if you’re feeling overwhelmed, but regular catchups and transparency should help you stay in the loop.

• If you feel it’s your partner's expertise to manage investments, start asking questions, get involved, look at the platforms and make sure you understand what is happening. I too often see people surprised with their partner losing money or making bad financial decisions that will eventually impact both of them.

6/ Seek professional help

• Disagreements about money can create very real problems between couples. If your attempts to compromise lead to fights, seeking counselling support to help with the issue might be the way forward. You could see a financial adviser or a money coach who will be able to help you deal with issues arising from managing money together.

• Remember that there is no shame about seeking professional help, and your relationship and wallets will thank you for it in the long run!

• There are also lots of free financial lessons and budgeting tools you could do together. Listen to a few podcast episodes of The Wallet, and MoneyHelper website has guides to help start conversations with your partner.

7/ Who pays for what?

• When it comes to finances in a relationship, you can decide who pays for what. This means how you split expenses, and what purchases require both of you to chat. 

• For example, you may decide to split rent and utilities 50/50, while one person pays for groceries and the other pays for entertainment for example. By establishing these guidelines or rules early on, there is less room for misunderstandings or arguments down the road.

• Before making any significant purchases, make sure to discuss them with your partner. This goes beyond buying a house or a car. It also includes things like expensive vacations, electronics, or furniture. 

8/ Address Debt Together

• Debt can be a significant source of stress in a relationship, especially if one partner has debt, or more debt than the other. 

• It’s super important to address it together and find a solution that works for both of you.

• Personal debt can be a significant source of stress and anxiety for many people. You or your partner may feel overwhelmed, helpless, or even ashamed. It's important to keep in mind that debt is a common issue that many people face, and it's not a reflection of your personal worth or character.

• This can mean creating a debt repayment plan, consolidating loans or credit cards, or seeking professional financial advice. You should contact your lender if you’re struggling but also reach out to amazing charities like StepChange or National Debtline.

• You can also look for ways to reduce your expenses and increase your income to pay off debt more quickly.

9/ Address Debt Together

• Childcare - depending on which country you live in - can be your most expensive cost.

• If you have children, or are planning on having children, discussing childcare expenses is crucial. This includes things like daycare, school fees, activities, uniforms and medical expenses for example. 

• Decide how you will split these costs and plan ahead for any unexpected expenses. You may also want to consider creating a savings account specifically for childcare expenses.

• Too often, I see one partner, often a woman, take the decision to stay at home with the children because the cost of childcare is bigger than her own income.  Do make sure you look at your joint income and see childcare as an investment for both of you rather than making a trade-off for one partner that will have a long term negative impact on their financial future. 

10/ Plan for the future together

• Planning for retirement may seem like a topic for older couples, but it is something that should be discussed early on in any relationship. This means discussing your retirement plans, including when you want to retire, where you want to live, the lifestyle you want to have and how you will fund your retirement. You may also want to consider factors such as social security benefits, pensions, and other retirement savings accounts.

• I’ll always talk about money dates - where we should all find some time during the week to go over our finances. Maybe it’s something you do together with your partner. You can start by creating a budget together, tracking your expenses, and sharing your financial statements. Talk about income, where you are today and any changes you’re anticipating. You can also work on your net worth calculation together, the final number is not important but it’s finding and sharing your numbers with each other.

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