It feels so difficult to change negative beliefs about our financial selves (“I can’t budget!” “I always overspend! That’s just the way I am”) and build healthier habits, and it’s no surprise, given how deep and dark our subconscious is. Things like money (and food and relationships) open up a vein right in to our most vulnerable selves, to a place it sometimes hurts to even look at, let alone challenge. 

However, don’t give up on yourself if you’ve spent a lifetime thinking your money style is set in stone, because there are some tricks you can use to help overcome your bad financial habits. And before we start, let’s focus on that word “habit”. A habit is a learned behavior, not an intrinsic trait, and just like when training a puppy or raising a child, habits can be formed and unformed at will to get the right result. So once you stop seeing your money mistakes as part of who you are, and simply a not very useful habit you have got in to, you’ll start feeling more optimistic about changing them.

1. Shopping

We all know how great it feels to buy a gorgeous new pair of shoes, or a first edition of your favourite book, or whatever floats your boat. If you see yourself as a “shopaholic”, it might feel this is a situation set in stone. But unpick your shopping story and you’ll see it’s easy to tweak. I bet it goes a little something like this: you feel down, you buy something silly, and you feel better. But long term, you feel worse, because you end up in more debt and then the shoes / book becomes a badge of weakness rather than a signifier of fun. So how about making a deal with yourself that when you feel down, you’ll do something to earn a bit of money, then buy yourself that treat once you can afford it. This could be setting up a side-hustle as simple as babysitting or doing some consulting work. It could be cancelling one of your streaming subscriptions or going without takeout coffee for a month. Even selling something you don’t need anymore. However you go about it, it’ll give you a real boost.

2. Marketing

When you’re making purchases online, even if it’s stuff you really need, don’t be taken in by those banners that flash up saying “only 1 left!” or “200 people are looking at this room for your dates!”. These are not there to help you and you know it. Ditto apparent price cuts: why does something with a massive mark-up (ie. most things) suddenly become worth buying when it’s 20% off? And it’s no surprise that online retailers often go big on these phantom deals later in the evening, when they know their customers are more likely to be tired and emotional... if not tipsy. 

3. Budgeting

Making a plan for your spending and saving is a cold, businesslike, practical, boring household task. It’s not a punishment or a cruel form of exposure therapy. It’s just something you can sit down and do to make life easier, like figuring out how to change a fuse or learning to drive. There are lots of apps to help you, but a pen and paper will do (and a willing partner if you’re working with joint finances). Set out your short, medium and long term savings goals (or call them spending goals if that feels more fun) and write down your in’s and out’s as best you can. I bet when you see it all written down you’ll spot places you can easily make changes that will really add up. Those takeout lunches and underused gym memberships for example...

4. Family History

On the emotional side, when you’re trying to untangle your feelings and behaviours around money, spend some time analyzing the financial environment you grew up in. Did your dad take control of the family finances and not let anyone else know what was going on? Were your parents always in debt? Or did they scrimp and save and work multiple jobs to better themselves and give you better opportunities than they had? All these situations can lead to feelings of shame, guilt and fear around money. Maybe it’s time to mentally distance yourself from that part of your family’s past, and affirm to yourself that you are your own person and you’re allowed to do it your way. 

5. Be Kind

We’ve said this before and we’ll say it again, but you wouldn’t shout at a friend or child who hadn’t yet mastered a life skill. You wouldn’t say “Ugh you’re so useless! You NEVER learn. What is wrong with you? You might as well give up”. Yet this is the exactly the harsh way we often remonstrate with ourselves when we exhibit imperfect money management. Working on taking the emotion out of your relationship with money pays dividends – figuratively and literally! Just remember: budgeting, saving, delaying gratification and figuring out ways to earn a little extra cash are all just practical skills you want to learn – NOT markers of your value as a person.

So, armed with our top tips, why not try to set a few new habits in motion – and let us know how you get on!